It's been
20 years since I was 14 on December 26, 1992. In a way this day haunts me, but
it's also the day that saved me. I lost a part of myself that day. It's true.
That day my life was forever changed. The girl I was, that carefree 14 year old
girl, she could never go back to the way she was. Sometimes I look back and
can't even remember her clearly. What was it like before then? It's hard to
remember exactly. Certain memories are there. They're just fuzzy. If I could
back in time before Dec 26, 1992 I'd tell that girl so many things. Remember
what it feels like to go underwater and come up and feel the smooth coolness of
the water as it rushes down your face and hair. Appreciate that walk alone you
are able make to the video store. Every step is bigger than you think. That bike
you think is dorky now? Take it for a ride every chance you get. Sometimes
wheels don't always keep on turning. Those times you chose to stay home instead
of go out with your friends. Go. Be young, be silly, be 14. For those days
become rare, and those friends faces start to disappear. Try your hardest to
really remember what it felt like to have no worries and just be carefree. By
the time 1993 comes you can't imagine being carefree and you worry too much. Take a look at
and admire your parents who you think are nerdy and you're too cool for. The
sacrifices and unconditional love they will show you after this day makes them
cooler than you could ever hope to be.
Some of these are important,
some not. Like the Rod Stewart song goes, "I wish that I knew what I know now,
when I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger". You don't expect a 14 year old to get it all. You grow
up and life isn't always what you thought it would be as a kid. But see that's
just it I grew up. That might not have happened for me if I didn't go to the
emergency room that morning of Dec 26, 1992. How many more times would I have been
lucky enough to wake up when I would stop breathing while sleeping? So you see
that's why Dec 26, 1992 saved me. It'll probably never fully stop haunting me, because it's natural to think of the what if.
Trust me its hard to find a blessing sometimes
in the hand my life has dealt me. The important key word in that sentence is
"life". I get to live it. I live it with humility, gratitude, perseverance,
happiness, and yes sometimes even sadness. I just don't dwell on what I think I
don't have. But you can't just look at the bad in your life. Things aren't just
black or white, there's the grey in between. You have to take the good with the
bad and meet somewhere in the middle. Find the grey. I have family and friends
that love me and considering having a tracheotomy and all that goes with it, I
have my health. There's a quote I read once that said, "Some people are happy
with less than what you have". When those rare moments of sadness that I only
let myself feel shortly come, this is what I always think of. That's why I never
feel sorry for myself because things could be worse. So thank you Dec 26, 1992. Thank you for letting me see you come and go every year that has followed.
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